turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
