butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
