I wanna bring you to show and tell
bring money and cleavage
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
