he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
