omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Found the puke drawer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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