Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
