so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
