I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
