There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
