I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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