why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
