two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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