i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
