Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
