Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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