just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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