She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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