I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
