so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
