I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
