i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
