I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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