just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
