I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
