Me too!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
