who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
