You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
