Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
