i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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