I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
