I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
