Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
