I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
