also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
