Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
