After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
