smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
