Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
