if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
