you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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