I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
