i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
