The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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