I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
