I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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