my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
