We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
smell my finger.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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