Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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