Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
