You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
