I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
