My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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