Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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