I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
